Monday, December 12, 2016

My Fibro Story Pt. 1 - When Life Changed

God has been after me to share my fibromyalgia story for over a year now. I have resisted for a couple reasons: 1) it's hard for me to go back to the beginning & relive it all again & 2) this is very, very personal. To put it all out there for anyone to see honestly gives me some anxiety. But I can't run anymore & so I'm finally obeying. I pray my story will reach the person who needs to hear it.

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I married my perfect match in October of 2011. Our wedding was so us! Fun, unique & plenty of personal touches.
With my husband (on the right ;) & his best man on our wedding day
Everyone commented on how excited we were to marry each other! The reception was awesome - yummy bbq, delicious cake, cornhole, laughing, dancing, family, friends. Afterwards my new husband & I hopped in my truck & headed out to our honeymoon!

We had both saved ourselves for marriage & each other. It was hard to wait but we did & were excited to arrive at the hotel. I was a tiny bit nervous as I expected some initial discomfort but I knew it'd be fine. 

I was wrong. 

I immediately knew something wasn't right. This wasn't "discomfort". It was blinding, excruciating pain. It wasn't "difficult" it was impossible. The more we tried, the more it hurt. And the more it hurt, the more stressed we became. Stress is pretty much the opposite of relaxation. 

We tried all week. It never happened. We went sightseeing & ate yummy food, we made fun memories, but as much as I hate it, my main memories of our honeymoon involve the headache of trying to enroll me in my husband's insurance & finding a doctor to see during the week. By now I was feeling sick & couldn't wait until we got home to see someone about it. I saw 2 physicians that week & had to explain my situation to countless others. It was embarrassing to say the least. One doctor told me that "women do this all the time without problems. This isn't normal. There's something wrong with you". Thanks Captain Obvious. The last doctor of the trip told me it's normal for women to have pain their first time & that I had a UTI which was probably contributing. Get lubricant, take this prescription & I'd be good to go. 

Husband & I packed up & began heading back. We spent our last honeymoon night about an hr away from home so we could go to the county fair the next day. He'd told me all about it & we were excited to go play! The next morning I took the first pill of my prescription & we headed out to the fair! We were on a spinning ride when the med kicked in & I experienced what I was later told is a common side effect of Macrobid - intense nausea. I buried my head in my husband's chest, prayed for the ride to stop & willed myself not to throw up. I barely made it off the ride & staggered off to the side to sit down. I don't remember anything from the rest of the day :(

When we got to our apartment I really just wanted to call my best friend & tell her what was going on. I turned my phone on (we didn't call or text anyone while we were away) & saw I had a voicemail from her. Like yet another punch to the gut I listened to the recording as she asked when I'd be coming to get the box of wedding stuff she'd brought to her house for me, complained that I hadn't responded to any of the emails about her wedding preparations during the time we were gone & said that she was asking "or maybe I'm telling you to step down as my bridesmaid". I wasn't sure how to tell of my own turmoil after a message like that from someone I considered almost a sister, so I didn't say anything. A few days later she was having a party that I'd promised to go to weeks before. The medicine I was on was still making me really sick, but I'd promised & was doing my best to be there. I was so nauseous I couldn't stand up straight & was literally crawling as I tried to get ready. My husband tried to tell me to call her & cancel but I brushed him off & continued trying to get dressed while the room spun around me. Finally I was already late when he sat me down & firmly said I wasn't going anywhere - he didn't even want me driving in that state. He told me to call my friend & explain - that she would understand. 

She didn't.

Over the next 2 months we had 3 more "conversations" (they were really more like arguments) & that was that. 

After the round of medicine was over, the nausea ended but the UTI did not. I drove the two hours back to the doctor I had seen on our honeymoon & she tested me again - negative. The infection was gone but it sure felt like it wasn't! I went back home only to return 1-2 weeks later & insist that something was wrong. Everything burned like I was wearing sandpaper underwear 24/7. I couldn't wear pants, couldn't do basic housework - even walking or sitting were brutal. It was horrific & nobody was helping me. This went on for awhile. My husband would come home to a dark, messy house & no dinner because I'd spent all day online researching what could be wrong with me & trying to find answers. One friend was gone & after confiding in another, she began to drift away, too. I quickly learned not to tell anyone, since most people didn't know how to act around me.  

Finally at my last appointment with that gynecologist, she tried to examine me. Keep in mind that anything trying to go "up" there made me feel like I was being impaled with a baseball bat. I was sobbing & asked the doctor to please stop for a second so I could calm down. She didn't - and instead shoved her hand higher. I screamed & pushed her away from me. The doctor was frustrated with me & said angrily, "how do I know you don't have cancer if you won't let me check!"

I was depressed. I couldn't be a "real wife", my husband felt like I was rejecting him, every attempt at marital intimacy ended in tears, I didn't know what was wrong with me & I had lost my best friend. My life was crumbling around me & it felt like I was left to pick up the pieces alone.

Part 2 to follow...


Shared at Teaching What Is Good

Thursday, June 23, 2016

NASCAR Hall Of Fame & DEI

Fishy's Mama & Daddy are big NASCAR fans, so our family loved visiting the Hall Of Fame & Dale Earnhardt Incorporated this week!

Daddy bought a fire suit & Mama kicked tushie in the race simulators, coming in 2nd & 3rd! :)

Vacay!

We have had a full & exciting 2 weeks brimming with adventure! Fishy met grandparents, aunts & uncles and even attended a naval graduation (Mommy is beyond proud of her little brother!).

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Fishy's First Flight

Today's adventure was the biggest yet! Fishy had his first taxi ride & first trip on a plane! He did AMAZINGLY! Slept more than he has during the day in weeks (thank you teething & developmental sleep disturbances!) & didn't cry one bit 😊

So proud of our little boy!

An Adventure A Day

My mom sent me this pic a few months ago & it is so us! We'd always roll out of bed & head out on an adventure on her days off. It could have been something as big as the beach or snow, or as small as breakfast at our favorite diner. Hikes, gem & nail shows, Disneyland, swap meets - the list goes on & on. Mom & I always just have so much fun together!

I made the meme the background on my phone & decided I wanted to have an adventure every day with my son & create a wealth of amazing memories like my mom & I share! We have had sooo much fun the last several weeks! We visited the Coast Guard station, had the most delicious bibimbap (ok, well Mommy did, but Fishy was there 😉), weekly trips to Grandma's, Target runs, adventures in the kitchen - big & small, we love them all!

I decided it would be fun to keep a record here of our daily adventures to look back on when my little guy isn't so little 😊 So, here we go!

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Birthday Garden

I wanted to post this last night but I was exhausted & fell asleep on the couch at 6:30!

We had a busy, fun-filled day! My amazing husband surprised me the night before my birthday by fixing my raised bed (the movers broke it), filling it & anchoring our mailbox to it (we don't need it at this house)to hold my gloves & gardening tools!! When I opened the mailbox there was a gift card to Home Depot inside - he thought of everything! I was so excited I jumped up & down, threw my arms in the air & yelled "happy birthday to me!!" :D
You can just see Jules' head peeking over :) She couldn't figure out what Mommy was doing!


So yesterday my little piranha-in-the-making (Little Fishy + teeth!) & I went to Home Depot. I told him to let Mama know if he saw something he wanted to plant & got some looks from other shoppers. I talk to Fishy all the time! Stay silent until he can talk back? No way! That's weird. I like to let him pick things out (which diaper he wants to wear, which story he wants to read, etc) & yesterday wasn't different! Between herbs & greens Little Fishy chose herbs & between peas & squash he chose squash - twice! It's exciting to think that by the time we harvest the squash he will be able to eat it :)

On the way home we talked about the exciting opportunity we have to grow fresh food for our family & how he will get to help Mama plant it (well, watching from his stroller this year!), care for it & cook it! When Daddy comments on how delicious dinner is, Fishy can say he helped - and eventually that he grew it all by himself!

I am so stoked to have my garden started & thrilled that my son will learn to love fresh produce that he helped with from the beginning! Little Fishy makes everything even more fun :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Say Hello To Life From Fun Country!

I have been thinking long & hard about my blog name lately. I have been pretty bad about jumping from blog to blog over the years as my life takes new twists & turns & the blog name just no longer fits. Of course, now I learn that it's pretty easy to change a blogger URL - live & learn, right? ;)

So, happy birthday to me! I have a big girl blog name that won't box me in, can grow & change with my family & fits perfectly!

So long, Something Sew Beautiful! You have been close to my heart.
I feel like I'm closing the door on a sweet friendship that no longer has common current interests, but I am excited to move forward!